My first ever blog

I don’t really know where to start with this. I don’t want it to get too heavy too quickly so I’m not going to tell my story straight away in one big chunk.

I’ve never had any inclination to do anything like this. I read a comment regarding adoption earlier this week and I realised how misunderstood the whole subject is. I felt that because of my past experiences with adoption I could maybe share my feelings to help anybody whose life has been affected by adoption.

Before I begin, I’m going to say that I’m not used to technology related things so this is all quite alien to me. A good old pen and paper is more up my street. I will make spelling mistakes and my punctuation isn’t what it should be so if you’re the grammar police,  this isn’t the blog for you. I’m not a writer. I’m a Mum, with a story.

When I was much younger than I am today I found myself pregnant and terrified. I hid my pregnancy and gave my baby up for adoption as I felt I had no other option.

That baby is now a stunning 17 year old young woman.

I’ve had yearly post box contact through social services which has allowed me to watch her grow up. She has fantastic parents and has had the best childhood I could have ever wished for my child. That doesn’t stop the pain and loss I feel every day though.

The comment I read (which I cannot remember word for word) implied that abortion should be banned and any unwanted children put up for adoption as it’s an easier option. I am not for or against either adoption or abortion. I believe that every woman has freedom of choice. I am nobody to ever judge a decision another human being makes. But what I can say is that adoption is certainly not an easy option.

Clearly, the person who made the comment has no clue about the lifelong affects adoption has on an individual.

My birth daughter will be 18 in January. That’s 18 years of pain, loss, guilt, grief, regret and many many other feelings. That’s quite alot to live with, when these feelings affect you on a daily basis.

All I want to achieve from this is to hopefully help somebody else who ever found themselves in the situation I was in and was too scared to ask for help. Believe me, the fear that you feel is nothing in comparison to how you’ll feel as the years go on.

I also hope that by doing this I may find other people who have done what I did and live with the feelings I have every day.

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